All things marriage

The best way to get worthwhile matches on Muzz:

As salaamu alaikum. Here's a process/procedure that should help a lot of people on these apps to have much better match interactions, and go through them in a productive, respectful, and responsible way. These are ways that I've found to make the search much better for me and for the people I've matched with. If other people have any other tips that they think can help people using those apps, feel free to comment. These tips will mostly make the entire search better for people who genuinely want to find someone and are ready to put in the effort & time (because you need to have both, not just one). It'll also save serious people from a lot of profiles who waste time.

As soon as match with someone (which means the other person liked you first), message them! It doesn't matter if you're a man or women, message them a quick 'As salaamu alaikum'. I know many women (and even men) may be shy when they first start using the app, or it might even be that you'd prefer the other person to msg first, but you gotta get over the discomfort. A lot of women may also feel apprehensive because they think the men may take it the wrong way or question the woman's character if they were to message first (even though matching means the guy liked your profile first), but honestly, if the guy's that judgemental, immature, presumptive and insecure, then it's good they exposed themselves early. And to the men, if a woman's matched with you and she hasn't msgd, just step up and message her quick! I've had a few experiences with women who match and just don't respond — not sure why they think that's an appropriate thing to do, but rude weirdos exist I guess. And my cousin sister who is on the app as well gets so many guys liking her and when she likes back, they just don't respond because they're probably pathetic rude nuts who like every single profile just to see who matches — because obviously that's how a Muslim is supposed to behave according to them — wasting people's time, leading people on, causing hurt and confusion. If you do encounter characters like those whether you're a man or woman, just remember it's them that have issues and you've done things as they should be done.

After the match replies to your salaam/initial pleasantry (which usually happens after a while because oddly and unfortunately, most people don't consider giving priority to the person who could be your life partner important), tell them respectfully and kindly that maybe you both could setup a time when you're both free because you don't find sparse and spaced-out messaging fruitful and you wouldn't like to waste their time. Tell them you would also like to give each other undivided attention because choosing a life partner is a serious and heavy discussion. If they agree, setup a time, if they don't agree, or say they don't have time, then wish them well, move on and be thankful you saved yourself from someone who isn't serious. There's a lot about the whole marriage search thing that'll be kinda uncomfortable; step up and embrace it because that's how you grow and hopefully succeed, Insha'Allah.

If it progresses to the set time to have a conversation, make sure you have a list a questions ready (it can mostly be the same list of Q's for all your matches). Include the important questions you have and maybe a couple of lighter ones as well to gauge the person's way of interacting and their manners. Try to limit the questions to 10 in your list and may be a few off the cuff questions as well. Most people aren't prepared and don't know what to ask (even the serious ones), so you're sorting the conversation with structure, lubrication, and guidance by having a list ready. It'll also save the conversation from fizzling out inadvertently because you both don't know what to ask next.

Tell them when the appointed conversation starts that you'd prefer to do around 10 important questions first before proceeding as you value their time, and that they're also welcome to ask their important questions as well. Ask them if they're okay with that (because you're dealing with a human being and kindness is extremely important). This way, you've let them know in advance that there's a initial screening phase for you both so you don't waste each other's time, and if it doesn't get past the questions, it'll be a lot easier to let them know kindly that it would be difficult to continue because they're expecting it as they know you're serious from the start. It'll save you a lot of the awkwardness as opposed to abruptly tell them you're unmatching as that would come of as inconsiderate and uncomfortable. Many women I've matched with have found this way of doing things refreshing and pleasant because they found it genuine, kind and respectful.

When you have the conversation and go through the questions, don't make it like an interview. Have a free-flowing conversation that's not too rigid and only about the question. Don't make it clinical and cold. Go into tangents because it's not just about the question, but also about finding out how the person is, and you can find out a lot about them in what they say and the way they say them. If they don't have questions, ask them they'd like you answer the same questions.

Always be respectful and kind even in points where you differ. Let them know what you think but also let them know that you can see where they're coming from as well.

Try to finish the conversation in one stretch, but if that isn't possible, set another time where you're both free. It has to be a long conversation/s. Have 4-5 long conversations at the most and make sure their in a short span of time (a few hours to 4-5 days max in case there's an emergency or they're inundated with work).

You should already have your answer on whether you'd like to move forward beyond the list of questions by the time you finish your conversation. Once that's done, thank them for their time and let them know whether you'd like to proceed to a call or respectfully end it by wishing them the best.

If you do decide to proceed, make sure you immediately get the families involved after a week. If they delay the family intro, that's a pretty a huge red flag (unless it's an exceptional circumstance like if they're a revert), and you may very well be wasting your time and emotions. It should be message, call, family, meeting, and finalizing marriage.

Even outside of the conversation, if your match messages you, reply as soon as possible because that's someone who could be possibly your spouse in this life and the next. Even if you're busy, let them know you're preoccupied and when you'll be free. I do think people who don't reply quickly might have issues with their own self-worth and value (or may even have an ego or priority issue) because they may subconsciously think that they're not worth much so people who want to associate with them also aren't worth much. Also, even if they don't end up being your spouse, it's just good manners, and you should never regret having good manners.

And remember that people can make mistakes, and are still learning so if you come across a quality or issue you don't like, it could be that they haven't realized it yet, so be kind and respectful if you point it out. The goal isn't to get offended, the goal is to get them to be better, and to want better for them because that's what Allah wants from you, and we all have so much we can improve on. Don't lead someone on, and always be aware of their time and emotions. Make them happy that they connected with someone like you even if it doesn't work out.

Even with all this, are you still going to get kooks who waste your time? Yeah! But it should reduce the frequency and your length of interacting with them by a good amount.

If you get someone direct messaging you (compliment on Muzz), try not to just decline if you're not interested. Message them back thanking them for messaging you, wishing them well — and add something kind! I've always replied to direct messages from women either way because I know it wasn't easy for them to reach out directly, and it was definitely a kinder and more considerate/courteous way of declining.

I honestly haven't needed much more than a few hours to a week at the most to know if the match is someone I'd like to marry, but other people may be in scenarios where they're very pressed for time and need a few more days. I nearly got married to a woman 3 years ago (it got cancelled because of changing personal practicalities and her plans of emigrating to a new country — the story's on my profile if you're interested), and it took us one conversation a few hours long to decide that we'd like to proceed because we both had our questions ready and knew what we were looking for before hand. I told my mother the very next day, had a call with her, and we met in person before going ahead, but could it take a little longer for others? Sure, but I don't think it should take too long, especially months.

Exceptional examples aside, these should apply to most people and make things quicker, easier and far more efficient even without you realizing it. May Allah bless all those searching with brilliant spouses who will be the coolness of their eyes, and grant His barakah and protection to all those already married.

Summer drives.. who’s coming with me ? ❤️

That was masterpiece song that time ❤️

Hi I'm new here...

Salaam peeps!

Post some inspirational marriage ayahs or Hadith.

Feeling kinda over the search for now but tryna stay optimistic.

If you have big heart .honest want seriosly mariage contact me im her for serios ..marhba.

Hey

I don't even know when my life partner will come into my life

Guys are there ever any muzz meetings near leeds or west yorkshire sides?