Psychology & Neurodiversity

Helllouuuuu meine Lieben 🤍🌿

wisst ihr, welche Menschen ich wirklich bewundere?

Menschen, die einen klaren Kopf haben.

Die genau wissen, was richtig und was falsch ist.

Die etwas lesen, innerlich vielleicht sogar den Kopf schütteln und trotzdem nicht das Bedürfnis haben, überall ihren Senf dazuzugeben.

Vielleicht kommentieren sie einmal, wenn es ihnen wirklich wichtig ist, Aber sie diskutieren nicht stundenlang mit Menschen, die ihre Meinung ohnehin nicht ändern wollen, Oder sie kommentieren gar nicht erst.

Warum?

Weil sie verstanden haben, dass ihre Energie kostbar ist.

Sie denken sich: „Das ist nicht meine Baustelle.

Ich muss nicht jeden überzeugen.

Ich muss nicht auf alles reagieren,

Und genau das ist für mich eine Königsdisziplin.

Ich glaube, je älter ich werde, desto mehr bewundere ich genau diese Menschen.

Nicht, weil sie keine Meinung haben sondern weil sie bewusst entscheiden, wofür sie ihre Energie einsetzen und wofür nicht.

Ich bin ehrlich: Ich bin noch nicht dort.

Vor ein paar Monaten habe ich noch viel häufiger kommentiert und mich von Dingen triggern lassen.

Heute ist es schon deutlich besser geworden, Aber manchmal erwische ich mich immer noch dabei, dass ich etwas lese, mich ärgere und sofort das Bedürfnis habe, etwas dazu zu schreiben.

Dabei weiß ich eigentlich, dass es mir nichts bringt.

Deshalb meine Frage an die Leute, die das schon können:

Wie habt ihr das gelernt? Wie schafft ihr es, etwas zu lesen, zu wissen, dass die Aussage in euren Augen falsch oder ungesund ist, und trotzdem zu sagen: „Nein.

Meine Energie ist mir dafür zu wertvoll.“

Ich finde das unglaublich bewundernswert und möchte genau daslernen.

Denn ich glaube, wahre Stärke zeigt sich nicht darin, auf alles zu reagieren sondern darin, bewusst zu entscheiden, worauf man nicht reagiert.

Fragen an einen Psychologen (echte studierte abgeschlossene abschluss psychologen)
Woran liegt das, dass man kaum Gefühle entwickeln kann für Menschen.
Auch wenn man an sich interessiert ist.
Ich glaube nicht, dass es Schutzmechanismus ist, da ich schon sehr reflektiert bin und an sich auch liebevoll bin.
Bin mir unterbewusstsein auch „bewusst“

If you start your question with “Why do men…” or “Why do women…”, consider that you may not yet be psychologically and intellectually mature enough.
I’m just saying

Best form of therapy is awareness.

LET YOUR SOUL BREATHE IN HIS PEACE TODAY🌼🌿

The Maximiser Trap

If you’re familiar with the term <CUSTOM_BOLD>maximiser, you’ll know it comes from psychology, particularly the work of psychologist Barry Schwartz. In The Paradox of Choice, he explored what happens when we’re presented with an endless number of options.

Surprisingly, he found that more choice doesn’t necessarily make us happier. In fact, having too many options can make us less satisfied with the decisions we eventually make. Rather than appreciating what we have, we keep wondering whether something better was just around the corner.

Welcome to the world of dating apps.
Swipe left.
Swipe right.
“Hmm… they seem nice.”
Swipe.
“But what if the next one…”

The brother is waiting for someone who’s beautiful, practising, soft-hearted, family-oriented, an amazing cook, and somehow ticks every box on his checklist.

The sister is waiting for someone who’s tall, financially secure, emotionally intelligent, practising, confident, funny and somehow ticks every box on hers.

Meanwhile, two genuinely compatible people swipe straight past each other because each is convinced someone “better” is only one profile away.

Browse.
Swipe.
Match.
Unmatch.
Browse.
Swipe.
Repeat.

At this rate, are any of us actually getting married or are we just becoming Olympic-level scrollers?
Barry Schwartz described two types of people.
The first is the <CUSTOM_BOLD>maximiser.
The maximiser wants the absolute best.

The best phone.
The best car.
The best house.
The best job.
The best spouse.

The second is the <CUSTOM_BOLD>satisficer.
A satisficer asks a much simpler question:
“Does this meet my values and my needs?”
If the answer is yes, they’re content.

Meanwhile, the maximiser has opened seventy-three browser tabs comparing mobile phones and is still reading reviews from someone called Dave1987, who deducted one star because the instruction manual was folded incorrectly. 🙄

The irony?
Maximisers often end up less happy, not because they made a bad decision, but because they’re convinced they could have made a better one.

Even after making a choice, they keep asking themselves:
“Did I make the right decision?”
“What if someone better comes along?”

Sound familiar?
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
It’s greener where you water it. Unfortunately, social media only pours fuel onto the fire.

Someone buys a bigger house.
Someone gets engaged.
Someone posts photos from the Maldives.
Someone lands a dream job.

Before you know it, you’re comparing your entire life to everyone else’s highlight reel.

As Theodore Roosevelt famously said:
“<CUSTOM_BOLD>Comparison is the thief of joy.”

And perhaps never has that quote been more relevant than it is today. The reality is that this dunya was never designed to give us the perfect spouse or the perfect life.

That perfection has been reserved for Jannah.
Yet this world has convinced us that we’ll only be satisfied when we have the best car, the best career, the best house, or even the “best” spouse.

But here’s the irony. None of those things can ever give us lasting satisfaction. It becomes a never-ending cycle of chasing more.

Wanting more.
Expecting more.
Round and round we go.
There will always be a newer phone.
A faster car.
A bigger house.
A higher salary.
Someone more attractive.
Someone wealthier.
Someone funnier.

If our happiness depends on always finding “better,” we’ll never truly find contentment.
We’re literally going down a rabbit hole expecting worldly pleasures to satisfy us.

But they never do.

Instead, we just find ourselves falling deeper and deeper into that hole, with nothing to show for it that will benefit us in our akhirah. Real satisfaction begins when our hearts are focused on pleasing our Creator.

When we realise that Allah’s pleasure is the greatest achievement and His reward in the akhirah is the ultimate destination, we begin to understand that less can often be more.

Contentment isn’t about having everything.
It’s about appreciating what Allah has already blessed you with.

Perhaps the better question isn’t:
“Have I found the best person?”

Perhaps it’s:
“Have I found someone who will help me become the best servant of Allah?”

Because the person who helps you wake up for Fajr. The person who reminds you of Allah. The person whose character increases your Imaan. The person who helps you attain Jannah, is infinitely more valuable than someone who merely satisfies a worldly checklist.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

“Indeed, Allah does not look at your appearance or your wealth, but rather He looks at your hearts and your deeds.”
(Sahih Muslim 2564)

Don’t let yourself fall into the maximiser trap.
It quietly breeds dissatisfaction.

Comparison.
Envy.
Perfectionism.
Fear of missing out.

And an endless craving for “just one more.”

Our beautiful deen encourages Ihsaan, striving for excellence, but it also teaches Qana’ah, contentment with Allah’s decree.

Those two qualities are not opposites.
A believer strives for excellence without becoming imprisoned by perfection.

So perhaps we shouldn’t become maximisers.
Perhaps we should become <CUSTOM_BOLD>satisfaction-maxers.
Not maximising wealth.
Not maximising status.
Not maximising swipes.
But maximising the pleasure of Allah.

Because that pursuit will never leave your heart restless. It will bring you peace. Its goal isn’t perfection in this world. Its goal is success in the next.

And that, is the only maximising that truly matters.

https://youtube.com/shorts/0sCoywxE2jM?is=Z36SNTJEI1pf_Smg

Confirmation bias and self sabotage is crazy.

You can literally believe anything as long as you convince yourself that is what you see.

Perspective is everything and if you cannot challenge your perspective then I don’t know what to tell you, you’re driving on autopilot and that’s scary.

The unseen core(3)....
𝗠𝗮𝘆 𝗔𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗵 𝗡𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻 — 𝗠𝗮𝘆 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝗧𝘂𝗿𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗗𝘂𝘀𝘁!

​This is an expression we hear and use almost every day
​People usually say it out of genuine love, goodwill and heartfelt care there is no doubt about their intentions but sometimes it makes me wonder, do we reject certain uncomfortable possibilities so completely that, if they ever become a reality, our minds are left utterly unprepared to face them?

​Our minds are shaped less by the words themselves and more by the mindset those words create. When we continuously treat a possibility as "unthinkable" or "completely unacceptable," our minds gradually stop processing it or preparing for it.
​As a result, if that very situation ever comes to pass, we respond with raw, overwhelming emotion rather than calm awareness. We collapse simply because we never allowed ourselves to mentally acknowledge that such a outcome could ever happen.

​We see this everywhere around us
​In relationships Some people remain stuck in difficult or unhealthy dynamics for years, yet they never seriously ask themselves what they would do if the relationship actually came to an end.
​In career and ambitions Many young people dedicate themselves wholeheartedly to a single dream or goal, but never prepare for the possibility of disappointment. They never stop to consider "If this door closes, what will my next step be?"
​In life expectations Others grow up believing in a rigid script they will marry, have children and live a smooth, predictable life. But what happens when life strays from that script?

​I am not suggesting that we should adopt a negative mindset or live in constant fear of the worst.

​The point is simply this 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗲𝘀.
​A person can pray with complete sincerity, work with total dedication and hope for the best outcome while simultaneously building the mental strength to know that if life takes an unexpected turn, they can face it with grace, patience and wisdom rather than being broken by emotion alone.

​To me, a balanced and resilient mindset sounds like this
​𝐼𝑛 𝑠ℎ𝑎' 𝐴𝑙𝑙𝑎ℎ, 𝐼 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑑𝑜 𝑚𝑦 𝑎𝑏𝑠𝑜𝑙𝑢𝑡𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑚𝑦 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝐴𝑙𝑙𝑎ℎ 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒. 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑑𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑛 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝐼 𝑤𝑖𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑑, 𝐼 𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐴𝑙𝑙𝑎ℎ 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟, 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑜𝑜𝑟 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑒

​Within this single statement lies deep hope true Tawakkul grounded realism and mental readiness.
the issue is not the intention behind these expressions, but the way they frame our thinking. Sometimes we reject a possibility so completely that we never give our minds the chance to prepare for it. Then, if life presents us with that very test, we suffer not only because of the event itself but also because we struggle to accept that it has happened........

I love you. Infinitely and beyond words. Woke up in the middle of the night and had to write this. My love. My happiness.

Neurodivergent Attachment Theory? Interesting..