All things marriage

RIGHTS, REQUIREMENTS AND PREFERENCES
Beware of the requirements and preferences you set for yourself. Be aware of respecting others' rights as well as your own.

Belief
Everyone has a right to belief.
This right is to choose their values (deen).
Their deen is made up of priorities that they
(a) require and/or (b) prefer but do not require.
No-one can be compelled of their values.
BUT choices (from problematic values) have consequences.

Action
However, acting on any one belief is not necessarily an "objective right" despite the ability to value, choose and act on it.

Drawing the Line - Rights
A Nazi/Zio believes in what they believe in, because they believe it to be superior. Even though that is their right - the belief is false and is not upright (correct/true).

(1) If the belief is false and no action is taken, this limits the harm.

(2) If they act on this belief, whether in speech or otherwise, they likely risk transgressing the rights of others and the commandments of Allah swt in doing so to various degrees.

Why is this important/relevant?
While everyone has a right to their requirements and preferences - these are not "objective-universal rights" and may be harmful transgressions if and when misaligned with islam.

In muslim marriages, people have clear rights
Mahr is a right. Provision is a right. Intimacy (when halal) is a right. These are all objective, universal rights spouses have over one another.

Mahr
(0) Mahr is a right due (owed) to the woman at marriage. (1) The "amount" or "ask" is her requirement. A man who agrees to pay the amount is obligated to adhere to this requirement. However, men also have a right to not pay this requirement and not marry the/a woman on account of her Mahr being too high.

(2) The required amount/ask is not set/fixed by Allah swt and affords flexibility based on various preference(s). For instance, if a woman chooses to require an unreasonable amount it signals a lack of interest and preference. If she changes her requirement to a lower amount it signals interest. However if the number is the same irrespective and is so high that it becomes unlikely to be met by most reasonable suitors - then this may either signal that she values wealth and/or may be overvaluing herself (inflated ego/nafs) to the point of self-harm.

What she values she acts on. If the man is trustworthy then she may lower the mahr requirement signaling preference for this man. (3) However for the man it might not be about values. It may simply come down to capabilities. He still might not be able to meet her requirements despite preferring her as well. This is where communication and structuring the Mahr becomes meaningful.

Why does this example matter?
(a) A right set by Allah swt is required and takes precedence over a right that is a mere choice. Eg Mahr is required but amount stipulated is not.

(b) A subjective-requirement is not an obligation upon anyone until agreed to by another party.

(c) To require is to prefer without compromise.

(d) To prefer and not require suggests compromise is possible.

(e) To require something that is not a universal right prescribed by Allah swt as beneficial/equitable - such as height, age, marital history or income - may harm the person requiring it by unnecessarily limiting their possibilities to preferences that are not a priority in the dight of Allah swt, as they have no objective benefit over someone who does not meet the requirement in terms of the value-category that matters most (deen).

(f) A person has the right to marry "whoever they prefer" that meets whichever "criteria they require". Just because they have the "right to freely choose" does not mean their "choice is just or upright". This is where aligning oneself with the deen of Allah swt makes matters super-clear.

Correct Value-Order
Objective Universal Right (Mahr) > Subjective Right to Choose/Act (Mahr Amount) > Subjective Requirement (Priority) (High or Low) > Subjective Right to Preferences (Flexible or Inflexible)

If a person values delusional requirements in order of preferred priority and chooses to act on those value-priorities, then they have chosen to misalign their actions with islam and the commandments of Allah swt.

In Practice
So if a person sets their Mahr to 1 Billion.
It is their right to be delusional. If they set this amount for a good person they have possibly harmed themselves. If set exclusively for a bad person may they have protected themselves.

Conclusion
Something that Allah swt does not require nor prefer - while a subjective right - should never take priority over favored, superior values rooted in objective rights.

Salam

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