Converts / Reverts

Heyyyyy.

I’m tryna find a revert husband 🥲

Latest chat request : “ Salaam, I love reverts.”

One thing must be said clearly: dating apps, marriage apps, and matrimonial websites often create a lot of confusion, dishonesty, and unrealistic expectations.

From my personal experience, around 80% of people on these platforms are not truly ready for marriage. This is not an exact scientific number, but it reflects what many serious users experience: curiosity, boredom, ego, attention, entertainment, emotional distraction, or people who simply are not ready to take responsibility.

And this impression is not without basis.

Pew Research Center found that about 90% of recent online daters in the United States felt disappointed at least sometimes by the people they saw on dating sites and apps. Pew also found that 52% of online dating users believed they had come across someone trying to scam them, and among recent users this number rose to 62%.

Another Pew study found that 71% of online dating users believe it is very common for people on these platforms to lie in order to appear more desirable.

YouGov data also shows that many people use dating apps for reasons that have little to do with serious marriage: 34% said they use them because they want something fun or interesting to do, and 26% said they use them for casual ***.

So the problem is not only personal frustration. The data confirms that these platforms are full of mixed intentions: curiosity, ego, entertainment, casual desire, scams, dishonesty, and unrealistic expectations.

But even among the smaller percentage of people who are genuinely looking for marriage, many are still not realistic.

Some are serious, but greedy.
Some are serious, but immature.
Some are serious, but full of fantasy.
Some are serious, but expect life to work like a romantic movie.
Some are serious, but want a completely traditional marriage while using modern internet apps.

This is one of the biggest contradictions.

If someone wants a fully traditional marriage path, through family, neighbours, relatives, and people who already know them, then that path exists in real life, especially in Muslim countries. But if a person chooses to use an app, speak with strangers online, meet people from other cities or countries, and then expects everything to work exactly like a local traditional marriage from the first step, this is not realism. It is confusion.

Internet is not the same as a family-arranged local marriage.

If we use a modern tool, we need practical clarity, while still respecting Islam and halal limits.

This means clear intentions, realistic expectations, respectful pictures, video call, honest conversation, and concrete steps. Otherwise, a person may be “serious” in theory, but completely unrealistic in practice.

Many people say they want marriage, but they do not understand what marriage actually requires.

They want guarantees without trust.
They want tradition without the traditional environment.
They want modern apps without practical solutions.
They want an ideal person without looking realistically at what they themselves offer.

For Muslims living in the West, these apps can sometimes be useful, especially for converts or people living in places where it is difficult to find a compatible Muslim partner in real life. But even there, many people bring a Western dating mentality into something that should be Islamic: endless chatting, emotional attachment, boyfriend/girlfriend psychology, romantic fantasy, and confusion between dating and marriage.

They want Islamic values, but with dating habits.
They want marriage, but without the seriousness of marriage.

In many Muslim countries, the motivations can be different. Of course, there are sincere people everywhere, and we cannot judge everyone. But often people do not use these platforms because they truly lack access to marriage opportunities. Some use them for economic improvement, migration, documents, lifestyle upgrade, or to find someone who can change their life at another person’s expense.

Some are not looking for marriage.
They are looking for opportunity.

Some are not looking for a spouse.
They are looking for a sponsor.

Some are not looking for sincerity.
They are looking for an upgrade.

And this applies to both men and women.

Many young men say they want halal, and some are sincere. But wanting halal is not the same as being ready for marriage. A man may want marriage because he wants to avoid sin, because he has desire, or because he feels lonely. But marriage is not only a way to make desire lawful.

Marriage means responsibility, money, housing, protection, patience, maturity, leadership, emotional stability, and the ability to carry a family.

Many young men want a wife, but they are not ready to be husbands.

At the same time, many women copy the Western idea of choosing a man close to their age, like a boyfriend, but then expect from him the maturity, protection, stability, and responsibility of a grown man. Very often, these two things do not come together.

Another major problem is dishonesty in appearance.

Old photos.
Heavy filters.
Angles used to hide the body.
Lighting used to change the face.
Makeup used to look completely different.
Edited pictures that make a person appear almost like someone else.

This is not simply “taking care of yourself.”
When someone presents himself or herself for marriage, falsifying the image becomes a form of deception.

Marriage is not a shop window. It is responsibility, trust, real attraction, compatibility, and sincerity.

A man has the right to know what kind of woman he is considering for marriage.
A woman has the right to know what kind of man she is considering for marriage.

The issue of hijab and turban should also be approached with honesty. A sincere Islamic hijab, worn for Allah, deserves full respect. But a turban is not the Islamic hijab, and it should not be confused with it. In many cases, it is fashion, styling, or a way to cover the hair without fulfilling the real conditions of hijab.

From my personal experience, when someone strongly refuses every real and natural picture without hijab, even in a respectful and serious marriage context, often there is something important being hidden, such as serious hair problems or baldness.

This does not mean every woman who wears hijab is hiding something. Absolutely not. But when someone uses a turban, filters, angles, heavy styling, and refuses every realistic form of clarity, it becomes reasonable to ask whether modesty is the only reason, or whether something essential is being hidden.

Physical imperfections are not shameful.
Deception is shameful.

In Islam, a Muslim should not deceive. And marriage, more than almost anything else, needs truth.

There is no need for indecency.
There is no need for disrespect.
There is no need to turn the process into something haram.

But there must be clarity.

Realistic photos.
Video call.
Honest conversation.
No fake image.
No false intentions.
No hiding essential realities.

Because if a marriage project begins with deception, what blessing can there be in it?

Marriage is not built on fiction.

It is built on sincerity, realism, responsibility, respect, and fear of Allah.

References: Pew Research Center reports on online dating experiences and deception; YouGov data on dating app motivations; FTC and FBI reports on romance scams.

I just wanted to highlight the strength of brotherhood between reverts and muslim born individuals just at the last small sign of the judgement day when the final battle between muslims and “الروم” takes place.

Just imagine that the largest war in this history will take place because the muslim born individuals will refuse to betray their brothers and sisters from the reverts and will not leave them behind! This is just to let you know how muslim born individuals always welcome revert brothers and sisters over time and they should not feel any bitterness from the brothers and sisters in Islam.

To be honest I used Gemini to articulate the answer to make sure I do not miss some points.

تبدأ أحداث الملحمة الكبرى حين يحتشد الروم في منطقة "الأعماق" أو "دابق"، فيخرج إليهم جيش من المسلمين من المدينة المنورة، هم من خيار أهل الأرض يومئذ. فإذا تصافّ الجيشان وتقابل القوم، يطلب الروم طلباً غادراً ومستفزاً، حيث يقولون للمسلمين: "خَلّوا بيننا وبين الذين سَبوا منّا (أو سُبوا منّا) نقاتلهم".هؤلاء الذين يطلب الروم قتالهم هم "الـ Reverts" أو "المُسلمين الجدد" (ممن أُسروا سابقاً فأسلموا وحسن إسلامهم)، ولكن رد المسلمين يأتي حاسماً ومجسداً لأعلى معاني الأخوة والولاء، فيقولون: "لا والله، لا نُخلي بينكم وبين إخواننا". عندها تندلع المعركة الطاحنة التي تستمر أياماً ويُستشهد فيها ثلث الجيش، ويفر ثلث، وينتصر الثلث الباقي الذي لا يُفتن أبداً.

The events of the "Great Malhama" (The Great Battle) begin when the Romans gather at "Al-A'maq" or "Dabiq." An army of Muslims, consisting of the best people on Earth at that time, sets out from Medina to meet them. When the two armies line up and face each other, the Romans make a treacherous and provocative demand, saying to the Muslims: "Leave us to fight those who were captured from us (and then embraced Islam)."These individuals whom the Romans want to fight are the "Reverts" (those who were previously prisoners, then accepted Islam and became devout). However, the Muslims' response is firm and embodies the highest meanings of brotherhood and loyalty, as they reply: "No, by Allah, we will never leave our brothers for you to fight." At that moment, a fierce battle breaks out, lasting for days, in which one-third of the army is martyred, one-third retreats, and the remaining third triumphs, never to be led astray.

Loneliness hits different as a new revert but I rather be alone than with or around the wrong company. May Allah continue to make it easy for me .Alhamdullilah

I saw a video from Assim Alhakeem about how the woman should be treated like a queen and how a man is responsible for shelter, clothing, food, etc and i agree with all of that. Ofcourse both gender have their own roles but for now, i want to talk about a mans role. He was discussing about conflicts within the couple and how a man should not leave the house to get a breather as its considered abandoning the woman.

Well im not here with a negative intention, im just trying to seek opinions on 1 question that i have which is,

If a woman goes unstable in emotions, is short tempered and keeps on provoking the man, Despite answering to her questions, despite apologizing his mistakes, despire showing how unintentional the action was -
Wouldnt it be unfair for the man to still stay in the house, silent with patience, get suffocated and emotionally abused non stop?

And it is Allah who feeds me and gives me drink.
And when I am ill, it is Allah who cures me.
And who will cause me to die and then bring me to life.
And who I hope will forgive me my sins on the Day of Judgment."[78][79][80][81][82]

صدق الله العظيم = Allah has spoken the truth

Looking for a Friend from Karachi
I m from Karachi

Salam my name is Sofie lives in Sweden I converted to Islam a year ago. May Allah bless you