Divorced Muslims
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Narcissists and Repeated Disrespect When They Are Taken Back
The Cycle Often Described in These Relationships
In relationships involving strong narcissistic traits, a common pattern described is repeated cycles of disrespect followed by reconciliation. After conflict or emotional harm, there may be apologies, charm, or promises of change, which can lead to the relationship being restarted. However, without sustained change, the same behaviours often reappear.
Why the Behaviour Can Repeat After Reconciliation
When a narcissistic pattern is present, taking the person back can remove consequences that might otherwise reinforce boundaries. If accountability is not maintained over time, the person may revert to familiar relational behaviours—such as dismissing concerns, prioritising their own needs, or minimising the impact of their actions.
How Disrespect Can Gradually Resurface
After reconciliation, things may initially improve, sometimes significantly. Over time, however, earlier patterns can return: invalidation of feelings, lack of empathy in conflict, shifting blame, or emotional withdrawal. This return can feel confusing because it often happens gradually rather than immediately.
The “Idealise, Devalue, Reconnect” Cycle
In some descriptions of narcissistic dynamics, relationships can move through repeating phases: idealisation (intense connection or affection), devaluation (criticism, disregard, or emotional harm), and reconnection (apology or reconciliation). When someone is repeatedly taken back, this cycle can restart again and again.
Why Change Often Does Not Stick
Sustained change requires self-reflection, accountability, and consistent effort over time. In narcissistic patterns, there may be difficulty maintaining these changes due to defensiveness, low tolerance for shame or criticism, or a focus on self-protection over relational repair. As a result, short-term improvements may not translate into long-term behavioural change.
Emotional Effects of Repeated Cycles
For the person experiencing the behaviour, repeated cycles can lead to emotional fatigue, confusion, and reduced trust in their own perceptions. The inconsistency between reconciliation and later behaviour can make it harder to predict or interpret the relationship accurately over time.
Role of Boundaries in Preventing Repetition
In these dynamics, boundaries are often what determine whether the cycle continues or changes. Without consistent boundaries or consequences, reconciliation alone may not prevent repetition of earlier behaviours. Clear limits can interrupt the pattern by introducing accountability.
Overall Pattern Summary
From this perspective, the issue is not simply reconciliation itself, but what happens after it. In narcissistic relational patterns, repeated taking back without sustained behavioural change can allow cycles of disrespect to continue, reinforcing the same dynamic over time rather than resolving it.
Never lose hope in Allah's plan. What is written for you will never miss you, and what misses you was never meant for you.
Well...civil divorce...two days. Divorced islamically 2 years. Never felt more alone than now. And he doesn't want to share custody.-he wants me to take full financial care and see them when he feels like it. He wants me to lower the 150 child support to 100 for each of his 4 kids (600) while he makes 2800 per month. Pays 300 in rent. And I do everything else. He lives 3 minutes away. & Im American in france. Yet he still trys to push up. He trapped me here by using the kids as bait. Muslim men are looking like non muslims. Stressing. Smh
Assalamalaikum...everyone,
I wanted to share some thoughts on an important topic that affects many families today… the stigma n lower acceptance around divorce…
Divorce often happens not cuz someone wants to give up easily… but when two ppl have tried their best yet find they simply cannot adjust… communicate effectively… or maintain a healthy relationship together… It is a difficult decision n painful for everyone involved… However… in our society… both men n women who go thru divorce frequently face judgment… gossip… n challenges in social acceptance… Many families hesitate due to concerns abt “log kya kahenge” (what will people say)… n this social pressure often prevents ppl from choosing a path of peace n well-being…
If a man loves you more, he touches your feet.
And if a woman loves you more, she never lets you touch her feet.
Keep me close to you.
I am disgusted with everything except you.
Trembling of the body in battle is a sign of a powerful offspring of a noble family