Fun & Laughs

Sometimes I wanna stand with my people but then…

…I see the way they behave and think…

…stop the boats!
✋ 🚤

80% of family man’s job is to say:

“No. Not allowed.”

Funny how people call it a “Muslim marriage app” but half the users don’t even know what they want 😭

Some are here for marriage, some for validation, some just collecting matches like Pokémon cards.

Muzz really said:
“figure it out yourselves.” 💀

Ladies, find a man 6ft and over or 5ft 6 and under…
…but them 5ft 7 to 5ft 11 guys will ruin your life…
…and don’t even get me started about…
…if he also has a German car.
😯
Get ready to call the police on him.

Got matched with a girl named siham so my man had to try to land a shot and told her "They really named you Siham for a reason, huh? Because one look at you and my heart is already full of arrows" and she unmatched. Lmaoo

When you fail at something keep moving depression can’t hit a moving target

It’s not that I wanna cheat but just look at it from my point of view - cos when I see a beautiful woman without a man I wanna do my part to help fix society.
It’s pretty much unpaid charity work.
🦸‍♂️
Someone put me forward for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Funny how my brain automatically translates wtf but not lol

At Costco earlier with my son.
He whispers to me,
" Hey, that woman is totally checking you out." 👀

I just nodded and told him, "Take notes, kid. That’s called effortless charm." 😎✨

Love going out on the weekends with him. Having a grown son means we get to hang out like mates, but I still have to remind him the old man’s got game. 💪🔥

Being my bestie is a wild ride!!
I could text you “guess what I just did?"
And I have either gotten a manicure, bought a pet kangaroo or burned my ex's house down. The possibilities are ENDLESS!! 😭😈💅